brain jerky: Archive

Feb 6th

5 tags

Watch

I want macaroni & cheese.

Jan 9th

Nov 21st

4 notes

4 tags

A Review of Derrick & Katie's Apartment-Cum-B&B

After Hurricane Sandy turned Lower Manhattan into a dead zone (no power, cell service, hot water, or reliable ramen purveyors), we sought refuge at a delightful B&B in Harlem. Some 108 blocks and several avenues from our East Village home, we relished the opportunity to take advantage of this charming locale’s shower, internet access, and pleasant innkeepers. While the storm had lowered...

Nov 2nd

8 notes

Oct 23rd

2 notes

Because why the hell not. →

Sep 9th

2 tags

Aug 31st

Aug 30th

7 notes

Aug 30th

Aug 23rd

11 notes

4 tags

Aug 22nd

10 notes

Aug 20th

“We welcome Paul Brady into our studio and into our hearts.”

– HuffPost Live Also, “boob juice.”

Aug 14th

1 note

“And my thinking was “We have to at least make it through the appetizers, because...”

– Dans Le Noir - Shitshows - Eater NY (via alexanderbasek)

Aug 13th

1 note

1 tag

In which Jordana and I perform our "secret"...

Aug 7th

2 notes

“Here’s your magical template. Write “Introductions!” in the subject line. (Maybe...”

– Useful Email Rules at FWD (via interweber) Yes.

Aug 3rd

8 notes

1 tag

“[N]o one uses the toilet the same way.”

– Why Toilets Are Still Made of Porcelain Huh.

Jul 31st

“By no means is this an indictment to the new, younger generation, it is more of...”

– EV Grieve: Mama’s Food Shop closes after 15 years; ‘the community nature of the neighborhood has all but vanished’ (via alexanderbasek) I’ll miss you, fried chicken and mac & cheese.

Jul 31st

1 note

2 tags

Jul 30th

13 notes

Jul 26th

6 notes

3 tags

Jul 26th

“I’ve been to amazing events. I still am fortunate enough to get to attend...”

– JOMO! - Anil Dash Joy Of Missing Out. There’s a paragraph towards the end of Julie Klausner’s book that makes a similar point. Around age 30, you start to decline invitations simply because you don’t need to do things for the sake of doing them anymore—you KNOW what that party is going to be like,...

Jul 24th

18 notes

4 tags

Jul 24th

2 notes

3 tags

“Dessert? Get you a honey bun and put a slice of cheese on it. Put it in the...”

– Rick Ross dropping knowledge in bon appétit.

Jul 21st

6 notes

2 tags

Watch

Yes.

Jul 17th

2 notes

Jul 5th

3 tags

A Story

I was waiting for the elevator in the lobby of my office building with an older man who initiated a conversation with me. What follows is that conversation. Man: This is the best building. The best! Me: [Polite nod] Man: Best massage parlors in the city in this building. Me: Right inside the building? Him: Yes! They had trouble renting it once. They basically turned it into a whorehouse. Me:...

Jul 3rd

2 notes

1 tag

“Cannabis is often described as the “cash crop” of Mexican cartels because it...”

– How a Mexican Drug Cartel Makes Its Billions - NYTimes.com (via alexanderbasek) Call me when they have a trebuchet.

Jun 18th

4 notes

2 tags

May 23rd

2 tags

Salad-Storming

‪new pork city‬: have to stop thinking of pizza. i have a salad coming.
‪brain jerky: ‬ ever had pizza on top of salad? it's great
‪new pork city‬: pizza on top of a salad? no. what? ive had salad on top of a pizza
‪brain jerky: ‬ i might have meant that. im multitasking
‪new pork city‬: hah. ok. yes ive had salad on a pizza. its great
‪brain jerky: ‬ salad on top of pizza is great. hmmm. pizza on top of salad bowl. like a pizza french onion soup/salad
‪new pork city‬: they should make pizza croutons for salads
‪brain jerky: ‬ sam chow told me about that. he makes them!
‪new pork city‬: microwave pizza-tons. what! thats amazing
‪brain jerky: ‬ he cuts up leftover pizza, sautees it in a frying pan with a little oil. then tosses it into salads. fucking blew my mind
‪new pork city‬: genius!
‪brain jerky: ‬ he was like, "i don't know if i invented this"
‪new pork city‬: put a little buffalo sauce dressing. boom
‪brain jerky: ‬ i said "um, you should tell people that you did bc that is amazing"
‪new pork city‬: totally. i want that
‪brain jerky: ‬ right?!
‪new pork city‬: great idea. especially if it has pepperoni on it. or pizza salad. so peppers onions, olives on your salad with pizza croutons and a buffalo wing sauce dressing with blue cheese. done
‪brain jerky: ‬ i like it
‪new pork city‬: we should open up a chain of midtown man-salad
‪brain jerky: ‬ HAHAHAHA. wear chest hair nets
‪new pork city‬: hah. cheeseburger salads. just everything low carb. pulled pork salad. sausage salad. fried chicken salad. meatball salad
‪brain jerky: ‬ meatball sub salad. hero croutons
‪new pork city‬: hah. basically pizza roll salad
‪brain jerky: ‬ nice. chicago dog salad. cheesesteack salad (with wiz)
‪new pork city‬: yes! wit onions. chili salad. in a lettuce bowl
‪brain jerky: ‬ frito pie salad
‪new pork city‬: poutine salad. gravy cheese curds and french fry croutons
‪brain jerky: ‬ omg
‪new pork city‬: hah
‪brain jerky: ‬ rib salad
‪new pork city‬: fuck we should do this. yes. rib salad
‪brain jerky: ‬ haha we should. taco salad obv
‪new pork city‬: yeah. breakfast salads! western omelette salad. mix in eggs bacon sausage
‪brain jerky: ‬ pancake salad
‪new pork city‬: hah. waffle salad. johnny cake salad. 
‪new pork city‬: dammit my salad is here. wish i was eating poutine salad
 Productivity in the office is at an all-time high.

May 22nd

2 notes

3 tags

AOL, SkyMall Monday and My First Cease & Desist...

Dear Mr. Barish, This firm represents AOL Inc. and its affiliates (collectively “AOL”). Our client has asked us to contact you regarding the blog column SkyMall Monday. As the author of the column, you know that SkyMall Monday has been used continuously since at least as early as 2008 with a series at AOL’s Gadling blog, e.g.,...

May 17th

2 notes

When someone uses too many \"abbreves\"

whatshouldwecallme: Truth.

Apr 28th

1,421 notes

2 tags

Apr 12th

Apr 10th

3 tags

Apr 9th

10 notes

Nothing’s more guaranteed to increase the price of your drink by 20% than a bartender in suspenders.

Apr 7th

2 notes

When people say “If you don’t like the weather, wait 5 minutes” it will take me much longer to ever enjoy their company again.

Apr 6th

2 tags

“Kentucky Fried Chicken was the tradition in Japan. People would get together to...”

– In Japan, Pizza Is Recast as a Meal for Special Occasions [via Gawker] You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!

Apr 3rd

5 tags

Apr 2nd

“The room was absolutely as bad as expected.”

– Sex Hotel Exposed: Exclusive Photos from the Scandalous Kew Motor Inn (via paulbrady) Is there HBO?

Apr 2nd

5 notes

Mar 29th

6 notes

5 tags

Mar 29th

3 notes

2 tags

“Sledge-o-Matic” was also the first joke Gallagher ever wrote, back when he...”

– Gallagher Retires, Sort Of Playing fast and loose with the definition of the word ‘joke.’ Though, one could say the same of Gallagher’s entire career. I’ll miss his suspenders the most.

Mar 27th

2 notes

2 tags

Mar 27th

3 tags

“The impulse to tweet during scripted TV comes from the same place as the impulse...”

– Technology Is Destroying Mad Men YES! SHUT UP & ENJOY THE COMPANY OF THOSE IN THE ROOM WITH YOU (or, you know, the silence of the empty room that envelopes your loneliness)!

Mar 27th

3 notes

3 tags