Finally, we have reached the finals of the Annoying Abbreviations Tournament. This thing is longer than a full word. In the Final Four, Margs defeated Totes because when you hear someone say ‘margs’ you want to punch him in the face (you should act on that, by the by). Guac defeated Adorbs because guacamole is a beautiful word that should never be abbreviated. It dances off the tongue like sweat off of Shakira’s hips (yes, I know that Shakira is Colombian and not Mexican but, by golly, she’s sexy and I think about her frequently).

Anyway, it’s a fiesta of a final. Margs versus Guac. Sweet versus savory. Vomit versus diarrhea.

One last time, here are the abbreviations in seeded order:

1. Totes (as in “totally”)
2. Whatevs (as in “whatever”)
3. Guac (as in “guacamole”)
4. Margs (as in “margaritas”)
5. Peeps/Tweeps (as in “people”/”Twitter people,” respectively)
6. Jelly (as in “jealous”)
7. Ridic (as in “ridiculous”)
8. Apps (as in “appetizers” not “applications”)
9. Cray (as in “crazy”)
10. Adorbs (as in “adorable”)
11. Preggers (as in “pregnant”)
12. Vacay (as in “vacation”)
13. Abbrevs (as in “abbreviations”)
14. Obvi (as in “obviously”)
15. Def (as in “definitely”)
16. Probs (as in “probably”)

We’ve reached the Final Four of my all-important Annoying Abbreviations Tournament. The biggest upset of the second round saw Adorbs simply manhandle Whatevs. It was pretty ridic…ulous. Anyway, four abbreviations remain and I know that you’re on the edge of your seat. Best to put a pillow under your chair to soften your landing.

In case you’re confused, here are the abbreviations explained…again:

1. Totes (as in “totally”)
2. Whatevs (as in “whatever”)
3. Guac (as in “guacamole”)
4. Margs (as in “margaritas”)
5. Peeps/Tweeps (as in “people”/”Twitter people,” respectively)
6. Jelly (as in “jealous”)
7. Ridic (as in “ridiculous”)
8. Apps (as in “appetizers” not “applications”)
9. Cray (as in “crazy”)
10. Adorbs (as in “adorable”)
11. Preggers (as in “pregnant”)
12. Vacay (as in “vacation”)
13. Abbrevs (as in “abbreviations”)
14. Obvi (as in “obviously”)
15. Def (as in “definitely”)
16. Probs (as in “probably”)

Welcome to the second round of my extremely important Annoying Abbreviations Tournament. The first round saw a few upsets, with Vacay toppling Peeps/Tweeps (turns out that no one really says “peeps” anymore), Preggers popping out a win over Jelly, Adorbs aggravating its way passed Ridic and Lehigh defeating d-bags. Now, behold your second round.

In related news, I found a marker that allows me to write legibly.

As a reminder, here are the abbreviations in seeded order:

1. Totes (as in “totally”)
2. Whatevs (as in “whatever”)
3. Guac (as in “guacamole”)
4. Margs (as in “margaritas”)
5. Peeps/Tweeps (as in “people”/”Twitter people,” respectively)
6. Jelly (as in “jealous”)
7. Ridic (as in “ridiculous”)
8. Apps (as in “appetizers” not “applications”)
9. Cray (as in “crazy”)
10. Adorbs (as in “adorable”)
11. Preggers (as in “pregnant”)
12. Vacay (as in “vacation”)
13. Abbrevs (as in “abbreviations”)
14. Obvi (as in “obviously”)
15. Def (as in “definitely”)
16. Probs (as in “probably”)

Everyone and their mothers are doing brackets this time of year because March is about creatively piggybacking the virile young men and handsome young women playing in basketball tournaments. Not one to be left out, I’ve created my own tournament (ignoring the fact that I am running another one already) of great import. Seeing as the use of inane abbreviations is not limited to teenagers who don’t know any better, I thought it would be useful to allow adults to see just how horrible they sound when they use these linguistic reductions.

I’m not very skilled in graphic design but I do own a ruler and a Sharpie, so I ran with it.

Here are your competitors in their seeded order:

1. Totes (as in “totally”)
2. Whatevs (as in “whatever”)
3. Guac (as in “guacamole”)
4. Margs (as in “margaritas”)
5. Peeps/Tweeps (as in “people”/”Twitter people,” respectively)
6. Jelly (as in “jealous”)
7. Ridic (as in “ridiculous”)
8. Apps (as in “appetizers” not “applications”)
9. Cray (as in “crazy”)
10. Adorbs (as in “adorable”)
11. Preggers (as in “pregnant”)
12. Vacay (as in “vacation”)
13. Abbrevs (as in “abbreviations”)
14. Obvi (as in “obviously”)
15. Def (as in “definitely”)
16. Probs (as in “probably”)